“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16
For many years I was a licensed chaplain. Over time I sat with people who had lost a child, families impacted by life-altering accidents and individuals dealing with drug and alcohol addiction. I married and buried both strangers and people I knew and loved. I felt honored to be a part of those moments which were equally humbling and gut-wrenching.
But the experience of sitting at the bedside of someone straddling heaven and earth was unlike any other. At first, I was scared. What would I say to them? How would I ever find the words? What would they want to talk about at the end of their life? Without exception I prayed before entering these holy spaces asking God to guide me.
Almost without exception, in addition to wanting to make sure they were right with God, two questions arose.
“Did I love well?”
“Was I loved?”
They didn’t want to talk about career accolades. They weren’t interested in recounting the number of activities their kids participated in or the colleges they attended. They didn’t seek to tally bank accounts or possessions.
“Did I love well?”
“Was I loved?”
Those of us with both feet still planted firmly on the earth have the luxury of choice, but we sometimes act as if we don’t. We let the chaos of life’s frantic current carry our families downstream to an unknown destination rather than simply stepping out of the river.
We have a choice. It’s a question of Chronos or Kairos, both Greek words referring to time but with different implications. Chronos is seconds and minutes – a measurable resource. Kairos refers to God’s appointed time.
We can live lives of measurable accomplishment yet in the end leave nothing meaningful behind.
It’s a stressful time in the US with a country divided, COVID and a struggling economy. Families are grappling with how to function in a fast-paced and ever-changing world. Some of these stresses are unavoidable. But there are things that we can do to stop, regroup and step out of the river.
We can ask “What kind of family do we want to be?” and then do something about it.
Ask Questions
What are our family’s core values? Are we living those values out? If someone were to observe our family’s daily activities would they see the things we deeply value by the life we live? Do we need to cut some things out of our schedule in order to experience peace and fullness of life as a healthy family?
Be Broken Be Moved
In today’s social media world of beautifully curated lives, it may appear that other families have it all together. But the truth is none of us are perfect and all families are all broken in different ways. The key is to not hide, escape, or give up. We can come as we are, entering into what God has for us with an open heart and mind.
Look Upstream
There’s an old parable about a small community that sat on a beautiful winding river. One day a body washed down stream and a someone pulled it out. Sadly, the person had died so the community gave them a proper burial. The next day more bodies washed down river, this time some dead and some barely alive. The community buried the dead and cared for the living, eventually bringing some back to good health. Months went on like this with the people in the community priding themselves on the systems they had developed to manage all the bodies washing downstream. Finally, one day after almost a year a child asked, “Where are the bodies coming from?”.
As a family, we can stay in the current living a frenzied life that seems out of control and wonder why our family isn’t at peace. Or we can step out of the current, walk upstream, and examine the root causes of the chaos. Only then can we put our lives in an order that will allow us to live out what we believe.
Let the Need be an Invitation
What we have will never be enough. We are overwhelmed, we are in need. We need God. Remember that God is bigger than our problems. If we seek His direction and His will for our lives, we can follow the path that He has set out for us.
Savor the Thin Moments
There are moments in our lives when the line between heaven and earth become paper thin. With the arrival of Jesus, the Kingdom of Heaven came to earth and we’re living in it today. For me these paper-thin moments involve the sweetness of everyday life like doing a puzzle with our now grown children or dinner table laughter over a bowl of spaghetti.
Did I love well?
Was I loved?
Step out of the river.